A Year of Confusion, and Stability.

We are nearing the end of 2020 and what a year it has been. We are also on the cusp of a “New Age”, and new era, and none of us has ever navigated this path before. The ground beneath our feet doesn’t feel solid and steady. Our steps are taken with much trepidation, if we’re moving forward at all. Everything feels foreign. Smiles are hidden, voices are muffled, our hands have never been this clean and there’s an acute awareness not to touch our faces. Hugs are sparse. We don’t want to force anyone to compromise their distance rules, but we long for those embraces. In my deepest, most vulnerable parts, I don’t want to accept this at all as the new norm. My soul intensely rejects this all. I feel like a rebel, but a reluctant one, as I always care what the other person might feel. We need to have profound respect for the other at this time. I personally need to understand that not everyone feels the way I do.

It’s taken me some time to speak, or rather, write about this global change. I myself, have had much to internalise and to work out. And I don’t have it all figured out in my head yet, but my heart firmly comprehends that the ‘new way’ of doing things, will never bode well with me. I have come to this earth, to live life fully, to embrace all that she offers and to not withdraw my presence, my heart and my being from experiencing all I need to do. Before the beginning of time, my soul chose this path, so everything necessary to navigate these shifts and transformations, are present within me. I was born for a time like this, as cliched as that sounds.

The beginning of our year, began with a trip to Underberg with my husband. We did not know then what was awaiting us on this universal scale, but we knew we wanted change. We spent some time looking at properties, searching online for opportunities for business in that area and practicing attracting this life that we both wanted. Admittedly, my husband is not on the same spiritual path as me, but he supports my need for spiritualising my experiences. It’s how I view the world, and on an elemental level, he understands that. He has been a tremendous source of strength for me during this past year. He has stood by me, and brought stability and clarity to my experience. No, we don’t see eye to eye on US politics, but thankfully, we don’t live in the States, so fortunately, those differences don’t affect our everyday lives – although we can have heated arguments about what each of us deems most important for the Free World to remain free!

When I write of my husband’s ability to bring stability to my crazy, internal world, what I mean is he is very linear and logical in his thinking. The nuances of each experience, do not affect him on the level they affect me. I jokingly say, he is blissfully unaware, but he’s not offended by my comment, neither do I mean to offend. His elemental view of the world, certainly helps to bring balance to my perplexed and flummoxed experience. I will always ‘feel’ life on it’s various levels. He will always ‘see’ exactly what is in front of him. For years, this was a bone of contention for me. I used to minimise his perspective, sometimes even undermining him, because I was so deeply spiritual that I could intrinsically know more! How naive of me? I have come to value his steadfastness in his convictions, and have come to fundamentally trust his solid and unwavering viewpoints. Mine have been all over the place this year. I have been a conspiracy theorist expert, a doom prophet, an enlightened clairvoyant – you name it, I’ve been them all. And with each new role I’ve taken on, his views have remained unfaltering. To minimise his importance in my life this past year, would be foolish. He has been my rock, my supporter, my listening ear, my ally and more recently, my defender.

So as the end of the year looms, I am grateful to report that we will be moving to the exact place our heart is most happiest. In an economic time of inclement unpredictability, we have been able to sell our home, and buy our next one, CASH. We are entering a phase in our lives, much like this past year has been, that is unchartered, at least by us. We’ve always been surrounded by our children and our granddaughter, but we will be making our way into this next phase, just the two of us. To say we will miss our family, is the biggest understatement, but to acknowledge that this is exactly what our marriage needs, is wisdom. Our hearts are overcome with emotions. We have experienced a range of them from ecstatic joy to deep sorrow. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t allow this array of sensitivity to what our children are experiencing, and then to what is going on in our own hearts. One thing is certain though. Our hearts, our arms and our doors are always open to each one of our children, their partners and their children; she who already is, and those that will come in the future.

Belinda xo

Published by My Style Journey

Fashions fade, style is eternal. YSL

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